Regret
by Asukai Haruka
Summary: Hatsune Miku loved Megurine Luka with all her heart, but was rejected and completely crushed as their friendship evaporated like dew in the summer sun. Now that Miku has changed and Luka desires their friendship back, all Luka feels is regret as her ex-friend has closed her heart to the world...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: The POV might be a little confusing here. The tip is you have to read this as if you are Megurine Luka herself. Don't worry, I am working on my other fics as well, I just need to get this one out. I know the pain of being completely ignored by the one you love and losing your friendship with her utterly, it is a Hell I wish to forget but never will. I hope it makes an enjoyable read!**

**Haruka**

She used to be the most cheerful girl you ever knew, with long and beautiful turquoise hair in twintails, sparkling large turquoise eyes and the most beautiful laugh you have ever heard. She used to be childish, playful and always happy, teasing her friends and being teased by them, sleeping during the Math classes she could never ever endure to the end, doodling in class and singing random songs. She used to have sweets in her bag almost all the time that she was more than happy to give away and snack on secretly in the middle of Physics. She used to walk with a skip in her step, a smile on her face, and her high-pitched and bubbly voice always brightened up everyone's day. She used to love games and sweets and behaved like a six year old if you so much as offered her a jellybean. She used to talk to anyone kindly and offer anyone a helping hand, even if they had hurt her before. She used to chat to anyone as if they were old friends, even teachers and class bitches, and they always found her ditzy and lovable and would tell her anything. She used to owe Mother Tongue homework from the last decade, happily leaving class with her sketchbook whenever she was kicked out instead of finishing her essay or trying to catch up on the twelve workbook exercises she owed.

She used to be the personification of happiness, a ray of sunlight that brightened everyone's day. She made jokes about everything and did not mind making fun of her own height, which was on the negligible side, and she protested strongly whenever people called her a "_tsundere loli uke_" which just goaded them on even more. She did not really mind, though, she liked seeing others smile, even at her own expense.

Now, you watch her walk by with her head lowered; she has cut her hair short, to the back of her neck. You mourn over it; you loved the long silky locks of turquoise hair she used to have. This new look, a boy's haircut, makes her look fragile and broken, exposed to the bitter winds that terrorize her small form. Her hairstyle is not the only change she made; she is no longer that happy girl you used to know. She changed her very personality, completely suppressing her sparkle and becoming a dark, foreboding void of emptiness. You cannot take your eyes off her until she turns into her class and you reluctantly walk away to go to your own, you know that change in her is entirely your fault.

The happy-go-lucky Hatsune Miku everyone loved became your friend rather suddenly; you barely knew each other one day and she was hugging you like a lover the next. It was a strange friendship, you barely talked to one another, but she would hug you and tease you as if you two were the best of friends. It embarrassed you and always made you blush when the smaller girl wrapped her arms around you and giggled cheerfully, but you realized that you did not really mind having her around like that. She was like a puppy, small and cute and annoying, but simply much too endearing to get mad at. She helped you relax yet riled you up in a different way, she was playful and cheerful and did not mind when you pulled her hair back in mock vengeance or poked her sides (the most effective form of revenge for Hatsune Miku has very sensitive sides). She just giggled and played on, never getting offended, only pretending to sometimes, and she often complained about your height for she disliked being so much shorter than you.

It was not long later that Hatsune Miku _confessed _to you. You could not believe your ears, she was such a popular girl among the boys that you would never believe that she of all people would love a girl. You rejected her immediately, she smiled and accepted it, but she still came on too strong for you and it scared you. She is the kind of girl who _feels_ much stronger than others, and that made you cut and run.

She loves you deeply, that is the only reason you pushed her away in fear. For Valentine's Day, she got you a present that you rejected, she smiled and giggled it off but she had been deeply hurt. If only you had known, you might have done something for her before the first of the cuts graced her pale wrists. Who knows, if you had, you might have been able to stop that terrible change from happening. When her emotional burden overloaded her, she went to you, only daring to trust you, but her emotions scared you and you fled. When she texted you, you deleted the messages as quickly as you could, convincing yourself that no one would get hurt by your cowardice.

That was a big, fat lie indeed. Day after day she came to school smiling, but with new cuts upon her wrist every time. It became more and more obvious that she was breaking, she texted you begging for your help, but you ignored her. Her beautiful, pale white wrists became marked with frightening, ugly scars stretching across her blue veins.

"_From: Hatsune Miku_

_Help me, please…"_

Looking down at that message, short and simple and frequently received, you felt scared, and you deleted it yet again. You could have helped, but all you did was let her break, again and again, until she could take no more. She shattered, oh how she shattered. Like glass, Hatsune Miku broke into a thousand pieces at your feet, and all you did was avoid them and watch as she struggled to pick up the pieces alone, bleeding. All the while, you told yourself that she was fine, that she would be better without you. Again, they were lies.

You were afraid, you told her that and she had smiled understandingly and told you she did not blame you. She knew you were frightened of her strong feelings and she hated herself deeply for it, she longed to kill of the passionate love that burned within her for you, but she failed miserably. She came to you in her times of greatest need, and you ignored her repeatedly. The next day, she always came to school hollow-eyed, wrists covered in white plasters, and for the first few hours of the day would say not a word to anyone. It was obvious that Miku was nearing her limit, yet you still did nothing but continue to ignore her.

You started avoiding her in school, the look in her eyes when you took the long way to class so as not to bump into her or walked faster whenever you did run into her along the corridors or at school facilities was that of pure agony. She looked at you with those amazing large eyes that asked, "_What did I do wrong now?_", and you walked away without a second glance at her. Not only did you watch her shatter, you kicked apart all the pieces of herself she struggled to put together. For months you did that, growing closer to new friends, while she crumbled and sobbed in the dust. Whenever you two met, you would speed up and dart through the crowd, even if they were muscular, threatening gangsters, noisy strangers from other classes in your year or a crowd of rowdy juniors, you endured simply to get away from her. When she smiled at you or put an arm on your shoulder, you practically _wrenched_ yourself free and _ran _through the crowd away from her. She would only look after you, crestfallen, and return home that evening to add yet another line, or lines, to her scarred wrists.

You hoped she would not notice that you were avoiding her. When it was impossible for you to flee and she hugged you, you ignored her existence completely or pulled away as quickly as you could and busy yourself with something away from her. You felt it on your back, her heartbroken gaze, but you pretended it was nothing and continued hurting her.

You put her out of mind and laughed and hung out with friends; they would point out hot guys to you and you would just laugh and look away shyly, feigning interest in those boys that your friends thought would look good with you. All you desired was to forget her, to throw her away in a corner of your mind and let her rot there, so you could continue on with your normal life.

It was extremely selfish of you, but you didn't care. You were too scared to stop and think about how she was feeling, you wanted her to disappear along with all the problems she entailed. When she wrote that heartfelt letter to you, _handwritten_ on a piece of blue card, your favorite color, you took one look at the name signed off at the bottom of the page and you ripped it up and threw it out. You barely even scanned through the heart wrenching paragraphs; you were too scared to evoke the feelings you had for her that you tried so desperately to bury.

She walks by your class again; her eyes are focused on the floor as she cradles her Chemistry things (papers, long ruler, calculator and pencil case) in her arms, heading to the laboratory. It is inevitable for her to walk past your classroom to go to the science laboratories, and you sit right next to the window closest to the corridor, second seat from the front. You always see her when she walks by, even though you do not want to, it seems that you cannot take your eyes off her. You see your name engraved into her arm as she passes, it makes you feel even worse.

There is nothing you can do to salvage the situation, Hatsune Miku has chosen to close off her heart and kill off her emotions. Now, she is like a stone block and she speaks softly and monotonously, never revealing any facial expressions and never talking to anyone. She even stays awake in Math now, and you know how impossible that is for the old Miku. Heck, she has even caught up on her Mother Tongue homework and is getting **B**s for tests when she used to get **E**s or **F**s, she no longer draws in class and her sketchbook has dust collecting on it in a corner of her bedroom. This is completely unlike the old Miku; you know how much she loves drawing and detests Mother Tongue. However, you also know that this is not the old Miku, that girl is dead now. Who you see now is the brand new robot Miku, a girl with scars on her arms and a heart barricaded to the attempts of the outside world.

You see the girl she has become and it tears you apart inside because she was such an amazing and delicate girl before, she would have made many great, long-lasting friends and picked up numerous valuable social skills for her future career, but you killed her. Sure, she told you in her final message it was not your fault, but you cannot believe it. That final message from Miku… to you it feels like a suicide note, because after that day, Hatsune Miku completely died inside.

That message, it is the only one of her messages you did not delete. You have almost memorized it by heart now; you have read it that many times. You wonder sometimes why you bothered to read it, it is probably because the preview showed you "I give up" and you were relieved that she would finally stop chasing after you.

"_From: Hatsune Miku_

_Luka, I give up now. I'm tired of all this, I am completely exhausted by this act that I have been putting up and I no longer have the strength to continue it. I should never have fallen for you, I ruined a beautiful friendship and I will regret that even after my death. Because of this incident, I have learned a valuable lesson, that emotions mess everything up and I am better off without them completely. I am sorry for ruining your life by stepping into it; I hope you will someday be able to forgive me._

_Tomorrow, I will be a changed Miku, and I will no longer try to contact you. I will be a loner, that is what a person like me deserves. Please do not think it as your fault; it is solely mine, for I was the one who fell in love with you. You never asked for this, you are the victim here and I am very sorry for it._

_I love you, but I wonder how long more I will be capable of feeling._"

You regret it, running away from her, because you realize only now that you have been in love with her for a long time. Whenever you reread that message, you cry like a baby because you know you were simply afraid of what society would have thought if you confessed back to her, and this foolish fear cost the girl you love most of her life. Your fear turned her into a zombie, a robot without a heart, operating solely by intelligence and forsaking emotions completely.

Everyone was stunned by Miku's sudden transformation that day. It was a great shock, for the day before she had hair that fell to her ankles if it was let loose, and the next day she had hair like a boy's, short and uneven and barely touching the back of her slender, pale neck. The other students, some friends of hers and some merely acquaintances, thought it was a new style or something and asked Miku about it, expecting her to give an airheaded response. They were all stunned to be replied with silence and an empty, icy look from the ex-ray of sunshine. Gossip started to form and make its way around the student body, it burned high when Miku first came to school with "LUKA" carved into her lower left arm, and now it spread like wildfire again. People were saying that you dumped Miku or something; some of them were imagining large fights between you two that never happened.

They questioned you, many of her friends were angry with you for hurting her so badly, and you told them, "There was and is nothing between Hatsune-san and I." You said her name with the honorific used for strangers; you completely disregarded the brief friendship between the two of you and pretended you only knew each other by name. They were unsatisfied, unconvinced, for Miku used to excitedly talk endlessly about "Luka-chan" and how adorable you are and would hug (sometimes tackle hug) you at any given opportunity, it is not possible that there was no friendship at all between you.

You walked away from them, your heart aching in your chest, because you were more hurt than they were by her sudden transformation. It was… terrifying, to say the least, to see a girl that was full of light turn into one of monochrome darkness, you refused to believe it was true. You waited for the act to drop with baited breath, praying that it was a prank or a ploy to get your attention, but the day drew on and she did not even slip up once.

You tried to talk to her that day, all you got was a sad and broken look from her. She made it clear that there was nothing you could do for her by coldly ignoring you the way you had been ignoring her for months. You realized then that the amount of pain she had gone through must have been crippling, you felt guilty and sorry but it was too late. You knew then it was no act for the pain Miku felt was real, it had really brought her to her knees and then on her back like a wounded dog, cowering to her master.

The shock made you toss away your fear and you confessed to her then and there, she responded the way you never thought she would. Alone in that empty classroom a few minutes before school would close, you apologized and told her you loved her, hoping that things would return to normal again.

Instead, she exploded, eyes flashing with anger, "Are you freaking kidding me?! You've ignored me for months when I needed you most, and now you suddenly love me? What kind of sick joke are you trying to play? I finally find enough strength to try let you go and you come asking for me? How is that fair?!"

You understood her anger; it was acceptable considering all you had put her through. You sobbed, apologizing profusely and explaining about your fear of the society around you that condemned homosexuality, and she responded coldly, "I'm sorry, Luka, but I'm scared too. I'm scared of being **shattered** by you again." She said it like that, focusing on that word, "**shattered**". She wanted you to know how utterly you had broken her, how deeply you had wounded her.

She walked out without another word, and you two have not talked since then. You are at a complete loss of what to do, your heart aches and you long to prove to her that you really love her and will not hurt her, but she refuses to give you the chance. She is hurting, you know it well, but you refuse to give up because you want to make up to her for all the pain she has endured.

The days drew on but nothing changed, she ignored you pointedly and looked beyond you as if you were air. It pained her greatly, but the choking fear of being hurt by you again got her through the agony and kept her from bending to you, running to you like a sad puppy. She suffered; she cried herself to sleep every night due to the heartache and poured her heart and soul into studies in school to take her mind off of you. Her grades skyrocketed, and she ousted the top in class for nearly every subject in the preliminary examinations to take the first place. Her Literature essay had been a heartbreaking piece as she was to analyze a poem about a rejected girl, and she knew rejection so well that she could easily pour her everything into her essay. You read it; you got the photocopied piece off one of your friends in Miku's class. It cut you deeply to see the terrible emotions that Miku had subdued deep within her small being; you wished she would come to you like she did before, when you ignored her. You longed for a do over; you knew you would not have ignored her had you known the painful consequences it entailed.

"The person who rejected the poet said 'I want not to hurt you' out of kindness during his rejection, but it was a 'useless gesture' for nothing hurts more than the person you love not loving you back." That was what struck you most in her essay explaining what the theme of the poem was: the pain of rejection. It brought tears to your eyes as you tried to imagine the pain Miku had gone through when you pushed her away, definitely worse than your own.

You had gone to see the counselor Miku went to and all the counselor was willing to tell you was, "Hatsune Miku feels things a hundred times more intensely than anyone else", but it was enough to tell you that the petite turquoise haired girl suffered much more than you currently do. You appreciate that the counselor even told you anything about Miku, since counselors are not supposed to reveal information about their clients to others. Miku had resorted to the school counselor out of desperation for she knew you did not plan to ever answer her, though the new robot Miku ignores the counselor as much as she ignores the rest of the world.

You regret deeply hurting her, crushing her as utterly as you did. You wish you can turn back the clock and tell yourself to man up when you cringed from her due to fear, you wish you could tell your past self, "If it makes her happy, I will endure even a sin for her, for it is worth it and will always be!" However, there is no way you can reverse what has already been done.

She walks by you and _your_ heart shatters, she walks by you and _her_ heart shatters. You both love one another deeply, but is there a chance for redemption? Is there any chance at all of you being able to convince her you mean what you say, to convince her you really love her? Can you prove your love for her is true before she crumbles to ashes in the wind?

You do not know, honestly, and you have no idea what your odds are. However, that will not stop you. Regret is a painful thing to feel, and you want to ensure that you will never experience it again. So you will chase after her and try your best to show your sincerity, to at least regain your old, easygoing and affectionate friendship, before it all gets too much for her and she completes her suicide. There are no results just yet, but you are willing to tough it out and persevere. You are determined that someday, you will see bits of the old Miku again, and you will get to see her miraculous smile and hear her melodious laughter.

She avoids you like the plague, casts her eyes to the floor whenever you walk by, ignores your messages and calls and pretends to be deaf to your voice, but you will not give up on her. You cannot give up on her, for giving up on Hatsune Miku is like giving up on life itself. You have made your mistake, and for eternity you will regret it. You will never be able to make up for the pain you have caused her, but you are going to damn well give it your best shot.

Who cares if it is a sin in the Bible, Koran and other Holy Scriptures? Who cares if some almighty being in the sky thinks two girls making out is disgusting (_seriously, who thinks that? Okay, maybe straight girls, but all guys love it, it is only natural_)? You love her truly, honestly, without ulterior motives, and that makes the love you feel for her beautiful. Love is love, no matter what form it comes in, and you will never forget that. Who cares if the only way you can be happy is to sin? Don't people sin all the time? Also, who in the right mind would let something like fear of sinning stand in the way of their chance at happiness? In this life, you make a grab at happiness the moment you get the chance to, for you never know when it will ever come by again, if it does return! You know that now, you have grown wiser, but does the opportunity still present itself…?

_A girl loving another girl is __**beautiful**__, no matter what they say, it will __**never**__ be a __**sin**__._

_If only you had known that sooner, it would have saved you the pain of regret…_

**Hope it made a satisfactory read! I can only wish she would love me back the way Luka does in this fic, because there is no chance of that in reality… *sigh*.**

**I hope there is no blasphemy in using the name of Holy Scriptures; if it offends I will try and edit it out.**

**Please leave a review telling me what you think about it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I decided to make it a twoshot instead, though I am open to doing more chapters if you readers so desire. Now, you have to read this as if you are Miku, which will give you an insight to how I am feeling now… I feel kind of mean putting Miku into my situation.**

**Hope you all will enjoy this, and thank you all for the support!**

**To Haruka, Hey! We have the same name! :D Haha. About the ending, maybe I'll make one depending on how my own situation turns out? But that'll take time.**

**To Truna, I'm sorry that the sentences are a little long, but my thoughts come in long chains. No one's suggestion is useless, and I am glad you took the time to give me one though I may not be able to heed it.**

**To the anonymous Christian reviewer, I am glad you think that we should be able to love who we want to love. I know too many Christians more than willing to use God's name to shame the lesbians, gays and bisexuals. I wish there were more people like you, my friend.**

**To coldkidd87, no need to be sorry, hopefully this experience will make me a little stronger.**

**Haruka**

You do not know why you were so attracted to her, you just were. She was beautiful and adorable; you melted when you saw her smile or heard her laugh. When she called you cute and you protested in embarrassment, you had felt a happiness you never felt before when all the other kids in school called you cute. You were well-liked by everyone, but you did not care at all about their opinions of you, only hers mattered.

The day you first put your arms around her, teasing her like an old friend or lover though you only knew her by name, you became intoxicated with her scent. You became addicted to her adorable reactions, her embarrassment; you could not get enough of her. Before you knew it, you were helplessly in love with her. You found her every action absolutely endearing and you could get hypnotized by the sway of her hair or the sparkle in her eyes.

Megurine Luka was not perfect, you knew that well. You loved her so-called 'imperfections' and 'flaws' because they made her even more endearing in your eyes, She was sweet as sugar, a little too shy for her own good, way too easy to embarrass and had a laugh that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. She was your drug; the more you got, the more you wanted.

It was a strange friendship you two shared, it was a physical one full of hugging, teasing and playful hair tugging, laughing and pouting and giggling, you two barely talked. You did not mind, you loved being by her side and you were happy just having her company. She loved to poke your sides after she found out you were _extremely _ticklish and you found a playful side to her you never knew existed. It intoxicated you; you loved seeing that glint in her beautiful blue eyes when she chased after you to tease you in revenge.

However, your love for her grew and burned so high you could no longer ignore it. It began to dig a chasm between you and her, you feared being too clingy and exposing your feelings for her and ended up nearly avoiding her altogether. Being without her made you feel empty, you wanted to be able to go back to her side without having to be too self-conscious about your feelings. Hence, you decided to confess to her, fully knowing you would be rejected.

"Luka, I love you." You just said it like that; you knew you did not need to do anything special because she was only going to reject you. "I'm sorry, I only see you as a friend…" her response was exactly what you had expected, but it hurt. Though you prepared yourself for the pain, it still shattered you, tearing through your heart and bringing tears to your eyes. It crippled you, it hurt, and that night, you cried yourself to sleep.

In the morning, you went to school with your usual smile; you still teased her and hugged her as if nothing had happened the previous night. Awkwardness had crept up between you two, but you pretended to be too dense to notice it. For Valentine's Day, you bought her a gift that she promptly rejected. Smiling and pretending it was really nothing, you hid the crippling pain in your heart and giggled it off. Your already wounded heart took a terrible beating; you could barely raise your head in the mornings to face each day.

"_To: Megurine Luka_

_Help me please…_"

Broken and hurt, you begged for help that night. She was the only one you dared to go to, she was the only one whom you trusted would not laugh at how broken you truly were. She did not reply you, you wondered if she had failed to receive the message or if she was purposely avoiding your messages. It did not matter to you; you desperately needed help then, and had no one to go to. Like a wounded dog, you ran to her in your moments of weakness, begging for help.

She never replied.

That night was the first night you gave in to the blade. In your loneliness, the knife offered solace, and in your desperation you took it. It made you feel nothing at all, it was relief from your pain, and you were so desperate you did not give a damn about the consequences. You needed what the blade could give you, so you took it.

Through Facebook, you knew that she received your pleas for help and had read them. It hurt you deeply to know she was ignoring you, but you maintained your airheaded exterior regardless. You continued to hug her and tease her, pretending not to be able to sense the tension in her shoulders when you put your arms around her. People thought you two looked 'cute' together; you giggled and pretended not to notice that she had stiffened considerably. However, it wounded you badly; your colorful world became monochrome, pointless.

Luka told you she was scared of you, of how strong your emotions were. You apologized in tears, telling her you understood, and a deep loathing for yourself took root in your heart. You desired to stop loving her, to be able to kill off the sinful love that burned within you for her, but you could not. The more you tried, the more you loved her, and you quickly approached your mental and emotional limit. Plasters began to line your wrists every single day, your eyes became hollow and your smiles became fake, plastic. The world was suddenly cold, dark and unfriendly.

You mourned the loss of your friendship, you missed her scent and you saw her every night in your dreams. It was painful, it was lonely, you curled up in fetal position and cried yourself to sleep every night. You wanted her back, you wanted your old, easygoing friendship back, but Luka would not allow it. She could not forget that you loved her, and she would never feel at ease around you anymore. You longed to lie to her, to say that you had gotten over her, but you could not bring yourself to lie. Especially not to her, she meant so much to you that you wanted to only tell her the truth. So you left things as they were, hoping, desperately hoping that things would return to normal again though you knew it was a forlorn hope.

Then, she started avoiding you. When you walked by her in school, she looked away and sped up. When you put a hand on her shoulder or tried to approach her, she fled so obviously even a blind rat would know she was avoiding you. She took long, troublesome routes to avoid bumping into you, going as far as to descend to the third floor to go to the bathroom so she would not have to pass by your class. It _hurt_. You gave her pained, heartbroken looks that asked, "_What did I do wrong now?_", she walked away without a second glance every time. You would look after her, crestfallen, and make an appointment with your trusty blade that night to take the pain away. You did not care anymore if others saw your cuts; they could call you crazy for all you cared. Only what Luka thought of you mattered, and she was already scared of you. Nothing mattered anymore.

You watched her grow close to new friends, you got jealous and you felt abandoned and hurt, but you got the message. She did not want to see your face any more. She had Meiko and Lily now, two of the noisy badass girls Luka would never have talked to before if she were not so desperate to get away from you. Your posture began to change, your shoulders began to curve in, you held your arms close to your body, you looked down at the ground all the time, and you walked with heavy steps instead of your usual lighthearted skip.

You watched Lily and Meiko show her hot guys and ask her which one she liked; you saw her smile and blush. The message seemed clear enough to you, Megurine Luka was straight, you had no chance with her and you had probably disgusted her with your sexuality. It was a painful thought, but it was what your despair clouded mind came up with as you watched her with a pained, heartfelt longing.

Desperate, you wrote her a letter because you knew she would not read your messages any longer. On a piece of blue card, you poured out your heart.

"_Dear Luka,_

_Have you been avoiding me recently? I have noticed that you have been going to lengths to get away from me, I wonder if I am reading too deep in to things or if you are really afraid of me. You do not even reply my messages any more, did I do something wrong?_

_I am sorry; I did not mean to fall in love with you. I destroyed a beautiful friendship, and I will regret that for the rest of my life. I want to stop loving you, but I cannot. Every little thing about you drives me crazy, the smell of your hair, the sweet sound of your laugh, your hypnotizing smile… I cannot stop thinking about you and every time I think about you I fall even deeper for you._

_It must be really annoying to have someone love you so much, I'm sorry about that. It is all my fault, I should not have come into your life and ruined everything for you. I made things awkward between us by feeling too much, I hate that. I feel so empty without you, my chest is empty when you are not around as my heart is with you, and I cannot get rid of that feeling. I am trying, I am trying my best, but it will take time and I hope you will be able to give me that._

_I miss you so much… Life is pointless without you in it. Please… just because I love you does not mean you have to be so awkward around me and try to flee from me the moment you see me. You do not need to treat me any different from any other friend of yours because of this; I am simply a friend who feels a little more than she should. I know you will never love me back and I am trying my best to move on, but I do not want to lose you as a friend because of this. You are important to me, our friendship is worth everything to me, and I am begging you not to throw me away because of my broken, sinful feelings._

_Sometimes, I feel like ending everything. I wonder what it is I will be losing, because I have absolutely nothing left without you. A future without you in it is not a future that I wish to have. It should not matter to anyone if I die, hmm? Someone else will love you the way I love you, for all the little beautiful things about you, someone else will take my place as the top Literature student, heck, I even have someone competing with me in the amount of Mother Tongue homework owed._

_Maybe I should just disappear…_

_Well, I guess I have gotten everything I can think of at the moment out. Please tell me if you are willing to continue being my friend, or if you rather I disappear and leave you to your life._

_Love,_

_Miku._"

You snuck it in among her books when she went out for her Biology Science Practical Assessment (or SPA for short) and waited to see if she would respond to you. She never did, and that was it. You crumbled completely. _**Snap**_. There went your sanity. The blade kissed your skin again that night; you carved the letters "M L" into your wrist, her initials. You became desperate; you turned to the school counselor for help and told her a fraction of the things that you were feeling, hoping she could help. It was useless; you still cut even with her help as you found yourself unable to trust her.

Without Luka, your life was monochrome and stormy. The sky was full of clouds that always poured freezing rain over your small body, and the wind cut through you like a hot knife through butter. You hated it, you had not known that everything would end when it did; she had just cut and run even though you both had said it was alright. You did not notice when she took away all your problems just by being near to you, you only noticed when they all came back when you were without her. Without her, you simply could not function any longer. Life was too dark, too cold.

Cutting quickly became the cost for your smile. If you wanted to remain, outwardly, the same old Hatsune Miku, you had to cut yourself every night to combat the pain in your heart. To you, it was a small price to pay to hide how pathetic you truly were, so you did it. However, it took only a few more days before it happened again. _**Snap**_. You broke, and you broke really badly. In your arm you carved her name, "LUKA".

That was the day you decided you had had enough. It was much more than you could take, you hated your emotions, and you decided then you would kill them all off. After school that day, you went to the hairdresser's and told her, "Cut my hair to the base of my neck." The hairdresser looked horrified, repeatedly asking if you were serious, and you nodded. Determined to change, you told her firmly, "Cut it short."

Reluctantly, she did, and you felt a huge weight leave your shoulders along with the long turquoise tresses that everyone loved. Looking at your new haircut, a boy's haircut that was untidy and uneven, you decided that you liked it. You paid the hairdresser and went home to type up a final message to the girl you would force yourself to stop loving.

"_To: Megurine Luka_

_Luka, I give up now. I'm tired of all this, I am completely exhausted by this act that I have been putting up and I no longer have the strength to continue it. I should never have fallen for you, I ruined a beautiful friendship and I will regret that even after my death. Because of this incident, I have learned a valuable lesson, that emotions mess everything up and I am better off without them completely. I am sorry for ruining your life by stepping into it; I hope you will someday be able to forgive me._

_Tomorrow, I will be a changed Miku, and I will no longer try to contact you. I will be a loner, that is what a person like me deserves. Please do not think it as your fault; it is solely mine, for I was the one who fell in love with you. You never asked for this, you are the victim here and I am very sorry for it._

_I love you, but I wonder how long more I will be capable of feeling._"

The next day, no one at school could believe your sudden transformation. They asked you if you had donated your hair or was trying to look less _loli_ by chopping off your twintails. They were joking, you knew that, and the old you would have given some kind of _tsundere_ answer or something. However, the new you would do nothing of the sort. They were all surprised when you ignored them and walked by them as if they were not there. Everyone stared at you when they saw you stay awake in every single class, no longer draw in every class you could and catch up on your Mother Tongue homework. It was tough, but you wanted desperately to forget her so you buried yourself completely in your studies.

Surprisingly, you began to find subjects you loathed easier and more understandable, and you began to get near straight **A**s when you used to have a big fat **F** for Mother Tongue, a **C** for Mathematics and a beautiful **E** for Physics. You did not care about the gossip that flowed about Luka and you, burying yourself completely into academics and becoming a robot. The teachers were worried, but they were more pleasantly surprised for you were finally excelling the way you should. Your emotional state was none of their business; they just wanted you to do well so you could assure yourself a good future.

Luka had approached you that day, you had almost laughed aloud. When you were seeking her, she avoided you, and now that you were avoiding her she was seeking you. How cruel could the world get?

You ignored her, giving her blank look that told her clearly you no longer wished to see her. There was nothing Luka could do for you any more, you had finally made your choice to stand on your own two feet and do something about the pointless emotions you felt for her.

You were deeply hurt, of course, you were desperate to talk to her, to listen to her and cry in her arms again, but you were too afraid of being hurt to do so. You wanted to make her disappear, it was hard enough for you to make such drastic changes to your personality and to ignore her, you did not want to have her chasing you at the same time.

You began to understand how she had felt when you chased her, it made you feel pity for her and guilty for your actions. She had wanted to forget, you should have let her. Now, you two had exchanged places, with her chasing and you giving the cold shoulder. You chuckled inwardly, bitterly, at the cruelty of this reality you lived in. The world would never let you escape from pain; it would always find ways to hurt you even if you changed as drastically as you did.

Luka approached you in your classroom at the end of the day, the class sensed something was up and evaporated away as quickly as they could. You gritted your teeth and packed your bag as you normally would, showing no signs that you noticed her standing opposite your table, looking sadly down at your hands. You longed to grab her by the collar and shout, "Why are you feeling sad? I finally gave you what you wanted; I'm leaving you alone now! What's wrong now?!" You refrained from it, quelling your emotions as quickly as you could.

This new robot Miku would not shout, this new Miku felt nothing at all. You had to be strong, to show her you really meant it. You would not run back into her arms like a weak dog, you had chosen to grow stronger and to get out of her life for good.

"Miku…" the way she said your name broke your heart all over again, but you stayed strong and stoic, "I love you! I'm sorry that I hurt you, I was just afraid of what everyone would think if I loved you back! I'm really sorry, Miku, please don't change!"

What bubbled in you first was shock, then bitterness, then pure rage. You exploded, letting out all your anger, "Are you freaking kidding me?! You've ignored me for months when I needed you most, and now you suddenly love me? What kind of sick joke are you trying to play? I finally find enough strength to try let you go and you come asking for me? How is that fair?!"

She tried to explain, you let her, but her reasons were all stupid in your ears. How did her fear justify her complete shattering of your entire being?! You responded to her coldly, "I'm sorry, Luka, but I'm scared too. I'm scared of being **shattered** by you again." You focused on that word on purpose, you wanted her to see how completely she had broken you, how terribly she had wounded you.

That look in her eyes twisted the knife still wedged in your heart, but you refused to let it show. The school would close soon, you used that as an excuse to grab your things and flee, leaving her staring after your back with a heartbroken look that cut into your very core. You two have not talked since then; to be accurate it should be she has talked to you plenty of times but you treated her like air. It hurt to do that, but you clung on to your fear of being hurt again and that got you through every single one of her advances without any reaction.

People were calling Luka names, names that you knew she did not deserve, but you did nothing to stop them. You could not; you would not allow yourself to protect she who shattered you so utterly. They were saying Luka was a terrible girl, to dump a girl and crush her and then go after her when she was ready to move on. They said she was doing it to you on purpose, she was toying with you, and they hated her for stealing away the ray of sunshine that was Hatsune Miku in the past. You said nothing to correct them; you said nothing to anyone unless you absolutely had to. You still cut, but not as often as before, people looked at you with eyes of sympathy, of empathy, of pity. You hated it, but you did not do anything either.

Now, when you walk by her both of your hearts shatter like glass, but you cannot avoid her. The Chemistry and Physics laboratories can only be accessed if you pass by her classroom, and she sits right next to the damned window. Sometimes, you feel as if God hates you, purposely making you run into her constantly. Heck, he probably hates you, you are sinning after all.

Now, it is your turn to avoid her, your turn to be deaf to her voice and blind to her messages and presence. When she passes by, you cast your eyes to the floor and cry inside, you want so desperately to forgive her and wrap your arms around her. You want to drown in her intoxicating scent that you have been deprived of for so long, you feel like a drug addict gone cold turkey for far too long. However, you know you have to be strong and resist her advances, it is the only way you can protect yourself from the pain.

She refuses to leave you be and you know that if this keeps up your strong front will crumble and you will throw your arms around her and cry like a baby, but you are determined to tough it out. You will not let her win this easily, you are doubtful of how true her feelings are for you. You still love her with all your heart, but you will not let her know it yet. You fear that she will toy with your feelings and pull away when you start chasing.

The rain continues to pour over the wasteland that is your heart, permeating the wound in your heart, making you weaken and hurt even more as the days pass. You wonder what you will do first, give in to Luka's advances, or commit suicide.

Both of them seem equally tempting at the moment…

**Hope this made a good read and isn't just a copy-paste version of Luka's in your eyes.**

**Please leave a review telling me what you think about it!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I am glad for all the support for this story and I am delighted that there are people who like this. Real life is not exactly going well for me now; she still is avoiding me… Sigh. This might never end and I might be hanging forever… Well, I can't make you guys wait forever so I shall dream something up! For the POV, you have to read this chapter as if you are Miku.**

**Don't worry about me, I haven't drastically changed myself like Miku has, I have only thought about it. I am still at the stage where I am being ignored by my Luka; the rest is my cruel imagination at work. It will be on a break for a while for the Mid-Years though, I have a lot of science and math to catch up with.**

**To Blestang, thanks for the lovely review! Did you really find Miku's messages to Luka magnificent? I really wrote a similar message to her myself, and I can't say it worked out any different for me than it did for Miku. Your English was great, by the way, I admire people like you who are fluently bilingual!**

**To Anon, thanks! I am glad to have a fan!**

**To anialexa, I am glad it feels real to you, because it is something rather real to me.**

**To SF-A2 Miki-chan, I will try my best to finish this, don't worry! I am glad you can feel the emotions I want to convey!**

**To Nexus Infinity, I am also glad you could feel the emotions I wrote this story with, I find stories nicer to read when you feel the character's emotions yourself, it makes the experience so enriching and heartrending.**

**Haruka**

Sometimes, you let her have her way. You try not to look too awkward and too hurt when she embraces you, you try to smile at her even though it hurts so much. It feels like a sick game Fate has come up with, and you hate it. With all the lousy cards that have been sent your way, you feel that Fate owes you a hand full of aces by now. You have come to rely even more heavily on the blade as the days pass, you need it so you can release your emotions and feel absolutely nothing. You need it to get through those long nights, waking up hollow eyed at four in the morning despite only having sobbed yourself to sleep at two. You have lost a considerable amount of weight and are gaunt, depressed, and probably have gotten addicted to cutting. However, you do not care. You feel like going up to Fate, throwing the lousy cards she has dealt you in her face and say with an over-the-top plastic smile, "Look at all the f**ks I have to give!"

What you desire most in the world is Luka, is her love, her warmth, her voice… every little thing about Megurine Luka that drives you crazy is one of your greatest desires. You find it harder to push her away and close the door on her each time, your shell is cracking and your heart is crumbling along with it. You wonder how much longer you can keep up this act, this terribly long and dark play that is your life.

You marvel at the strength of these "sinful" feelings within you, feelings damned by so many, even your school Principal. Despite all their warnings that it is "godforsaken" and will "damn" you "to Hell", you still are unable to find any part of you that actually cares. They tell you that you are Hell-bound due to your sexuality and you think, _"Very well, Hell it is then. I'm not going to stop loving her because some bearded man in a thick old boring storybook that is supposedly a Holy Scripture told me to. Heck, who knows if the Bible was your olden day Harry Potter turned into a religious cult?"_ You do not care about blasphemy any longer; Hell seems a pretty good place for a worthless, good-for-nothing girl like yourself to burn for all eternity. You wonder sometimes if you are going crazy, and have come to the conclusion that you most probably are. Oh well.

"Miku!" Luka calls your name cheerfully; it makes you want to scream. Her voice resounds and resonates in your flustered mind, slashing away at your insides. Luka's voice softens, becoming unbelievably gentle, "Miku." How can you possibly resist when the one you love calls your name like **that**? No, you cannot give in to her, you cannot. No matter how tempting it is, you are not going to be tricked into yet another "one more time".

She wraps her arms around you and you melt, defenses, offenses and all, into a gooey puddle of lovesick Miku. She feels so _warm_, you long to forgive her and let time try to return things to the way they were before all this shit happened. Time is already trying its best with your hair; it reaches your shoulders now. Will you only give in to Luka's advances when it reaches your ankles again? Nah, you definitely will not survive that long without breaking; you know it well.

"Are you alright?" Why does she have to say it so _softly_, so _gently_? You steel yourself as best as you can and nod curtly, even though you long to shout, "How can I be alright?!" and break down into her warm arms. She looks unconvinced; you wrench yourself away from her and continue on your way, feeling her heartbroken gaze on your back. It is the exact same gaze that rested on her back from you before; you want to laugh bitterly at this cruel game Fate is playing with you both.

She whispers your name again, there is so much longing in it you feel like falling to your knees and wailing. You love her so much… you are desperate to forgive her and enjoy the warmth of her body once more. However… that wall of fear stands between you two, supported by your pride, and you are starting to understand how Luka's fear made her hurt you so freely, so utterly. The fear is cracking, but your pride remains solid, but the pride within you is not enough to keep Luka out. Not for long, anyway.

"Hatsune-chan!" No one calls you by your first name anymore, not since your shocking "transformation", though Yowane Haku has tried to keep a semblance of your previous closeness by using the honorific "-chan". You turn to see said tall silver haired girl and her girlfriend, blonde underclassman Akita Neru. You do not show any facial expressions, standing mute as you have been for the past four months.

"Do you want to go and watch a movie with us after school?" Haku asks shyly, she has been trying her best to involve you in social activities and gain your old friendship back. You are surprised that Neru is willing to go along with it; her abhorrence of socialization with people other than Haku is infamous. The blonde is an absolute troll on the Internet and has a bark a million times worse than her bite.

You shake your head and bow stiffly to convey some robotic sort of gratitude. Neru surprises you by saying, "Come on, Hatsune-san, I may hate people, but no one can hate you." You almost laugh out loud, letting them see the bitterness in your tainted soul, wanting to tell her that _you hate yourself._ "I can't bear to see you like this, Hatsune-san, and neither can Haku. She is a real friend, and she is truly worried for you."

You finally find your voice, cold, low and monotonous, "Nothing's wrong."

You turn and walk away from them, feeling Haku's worried gaze on your back. You want to apologize to her, but you have not the words to say. How can "I'm sorry" possibly suffice? You throw all these thoughts out the window and head to class wordlessly. How much more can you take? Not much, probably not any more. Perhaps you should give in to your desires and show this world an upside-down girl unable to continue living in this adult's world. Or should it be a bloodied girl lying peacefully on her bed? Or should you hang from the ceiling, inches between your feet and the ground? Or poison, will that work faster? Household poisons should be easy for you to get your hands on.

Do you have any goodbyes to say before you plan this? No, none at all. After you cut your hair, you cut off all ties with everyone you could. You refused to talk to anyone at all unless you absolutely had to, and even then you used as few words as possible, sounding rude and unapproachable. You have no goodbyes that were not given before, albeit wordlessly.

Perfect, then you can end this tomorrow. You just have to live down this last day, and it will all finally end. You decide to carve her name into your skin a few more times tonight, savor the blade and tattoo this body, before you end it all and release your burdens completely. You will jump, it will be fairly easy and the chances of survival are not high as long as you can find a building tall enough.

You have just the thing to meet your needs; your housing estate is twenty floors high and if you head to the garbage chute but turn left instead of right, you can access the ladder to the roof. Get up there and jump down, it will be over in a flash; just an upside down girl falling headfirst onto the asphalt, splat, physical pain, and then darkness. It will be your salvation; you will obtain the freedom and peace you desired on the other side, even if you do end up in Hell.

Heck, you can strike up a conversation with the Devil and insult religion together, poking fun at the stick-up-the-ass rule loving mighty beings that humans fall over one another to worship. It will be a nice afterlife, laughing at the cruel world you have managed to escape.

At last, you are thinking about other more pressing matters in Physics class again. It no longer matters whether you listen or not because firstly, you are probably going to die tomorrow, and secondly, you have already studied the whole syllabus backwards and forwards by yourself. You have done the workbook thrice and the Ten Year Series four times; you even did every example in the bloody textbook twice. You buried everything you had in studies, and it turns out you have a lot. You did the same for every other subject you took, you even started reading Mother Tongue newspapers every single day three months ago and finished the Geography Ten Year Series you never wanted to touch.

You wonder if you should hand up all that work, just to make the teacher happy. At least they will know that one person did all the work they would assign for the year even before they assigned it. Well, any extra worksheets will obviously be excluded since you do not have them, but at least you did all those annoying revision papers no one would normally bother touching.

The bell rings and you are in the hallway again, heading to Art class. That and Literature are the only classes you actually enjoy now, though you never show it. Luka is in your Art class, but you have resolutely avoided her by sitting next to the strange psychopath Sukone Tei, who is crushing on Kagamine Len and living in a fantasy world based on the girly boy. Everyone is frightened of her, she sometimes unnerves you, but she leaves you alone as she is worshipping the blonde _Shota_ all the time and that is all you want.

Tei is drawing yet another frightening rape scene with her screwing Len with a cucumber; you are used to it and no longer raise an internal eyebrow at her work. She is a good artist, anyway, and who are you to judge? You look down at your sketchbook for the year, the front has kittens, puppies, flowers, beautiful scenery and even Luka in it, but ever since four months ago your work has all been dark. A girl slumped over a table, an empty bottle labeled "Sleeping Pills" lying unscrewed on its side on the floor, having fallen from her limp hand. A girl lying on her bed, eyes shut, her wrists a bloody mess with the veins slit clean through from the wrist to the elbow. A girl held up by a rope around her neck, inches between her toes and the floor, a toppled stool near her feet, her back facing whoever is looking at the drawing, A girl standing on top of a building, long hair drawn out behind her by the wind, heavy and depressed eyes boring into the viewer. The same girl falling down the building headfirst, eyes closed. The same girl sprawled on the asphalt, blood dripping from her lips that are turned upward with a gentle smile, dead. They are all black and white, wonderfully shaded monochrome pieces that reflect the dullness of your life.

What all those girls have in common is that they all have long twintails, your old hairstyle. They all look like you; those works are subconscious self-portraits that show the world what you desperately long for. Release from this life, freedom from all your burdens, death.

You start sketching again now; it is a girl slumped on the bathroom floor, a razor in her limp hand that rests on the white tile, her head leaning back against the wall, her eyes closed. This is in full color; her skin is so pale that the white shirt she is wearing nearly matches her skin color. Her wrists are scarlet red, deeply slit vertically, and splattered all around the walls that surround her is the word "LUKA". You want to die this way instead, to show the world how much you love her, to splatter your own blood over the walls showing your fervent desire, "LUKA LUKA LUKA LUKA LUKA", covering the entire white tile wall with her beautiful name.

That girl has turquoise hair just like you, and short hair that has barely passed her shoulders. It feels like a prediction of some sort, maybe it will be interesting if they find you dead like this tomorrow and the police take a photograph of the 'crime scene'. They will go around looking to see if you left any clues that you were going to do what you did afterward, and find this drawing with the art teacher. And when they place the photo and the drawing side by side they will gasp at the uncanny similarity… You want to make it happen; it feels like it will be a fun game. However, you are not sure if you will actually die, if they catch you before you bleed to death, you will wake up in a hospital and will have to see a psychiatrist. Maybe they will send someone to watch over you. The thought makes you shudder, you don't want to fail. There is too much at risk if you fail, for they will know you have a 'problem' and will shatter this life you are leading now, making it worse than it already is.

"Miku," Luka is here, why? She is afraid of Tei, that psychotic girl could actually go ballistic and start raping everyone with a cucumber without warning. You look around to realize that Tei has shifted to the painting station to finish up her latest piece.

"What is this?" She takes your sketchbook before you can close it, her eyes widen with shock as she takes in your completed artwork. "You won't…" Luka gulps, struggling to stop her voice from wavering and failing horribly, "You won't do this, will you, Miku?"

"Why not?" You respond, struck by the hurt in her crystal blue eyes. There is absolutely nothing for you here but yet another bad hand in an endless game you no longer have the strength to play. She places your sketchbook on the table gingerly and envelops you in a warm hug, tears spilling into your hair.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Luka sobs, her entire body is trembling, "Miku, please forgive me… Please… don't do anything stupid to yourself… I love you…"

How can she play dirty like that? An aching blow to your heart causes the frozen door to scrape at the ice, struggling to give way. How can she do this to you? You almost had what you wanted in your hands, and now she is going to plant doubt in your heart?

Luka… Luka… Luka… You do not realize you are speaking aloud, muttering her name senselessly as she sobs, cradling you in her arms. I'm sorry, Luka, but…

Your fingers trace the letters engraved in your skin gently. "M L", Megurine Luka, carved in capitals into your wrist. "LUKA", her beautiful name, carved in capital letters into your arm. All signs of how much you love her, how much you want her… You wonder if someday, you will regret it, when you finally move on to another girl or a boy (however unlikely that seems now). Will you even have the time to regret it? You may be dead by tomorrow, dead while you still love Luka, and then you wouldn't have anything to regret.

You wrench away from Luka's embrace, pick up your sketchbook and flee the art room. Luka looks after you, and so does everyone in the class (save for Tei). They start to whisper as Luka crumbles to her knees, sobbing pathetically, gossiping as always. You run as fast as you can, wanting to be as far away from Luka as possible before your tears fall…


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: As I said, Regret will end the way my story has ended, and this is the ending Fate has decided on me giving you. I wish with all my heart it were not so, I wish with all my heart that she would not do this to me, but she has and this is my reality.**

**I hope this will be a satisfactory read; enjoyable is surely not the word for this ending. I wanted to get this up yesterday, but I was busy getting my hair cut short. Please read this as if you are Miku.**

**Haruka**

Tears are streaming down your cheeks as you flee, you want more than anything to have her chase after you, wrap her arms around you and just kiss the living daylights out of you. If she does do that, you will abandon all your stupid ideas and cry in her arms, you will finally break down and be hers… but it does not happen, life is not that kind. She will not give chase, and you will carry out the stupid plan you formed in your mind. You will never be able to feel her warm arms around you ever again…

"Miku, I'm sorry!" you can hear her wail, and you want to tell her, "It's too late to say sorry, Luka, the damage is already done." "Please, let me help you!" she sounds so desperate, and you want to turn around so you can go back and tell her, "It's too late for that. My emotional state was a glass figure that was unstable and fragile, and you helped me hold it up for a while. However, you left when I needed you most and it shattered into a million pieces, and even if you return now all you can do is scatter the pieces around and make them harder to find." It sounds cruel, but it is the truth. However, you refuse to turn back, you cannot.

Running blindly, you want more than anything to end your life, to stop the pain that sears in your chest for good, to cease those wretched tears that are still rolling down your cheeks. It is enough, you have had enough. No more games, no more lies, no more delusions of a better life elsewhere, elsewhere. It is clear now; there is no place for Hatsune Miku in this world. No place at all for you, and definitely none for you and her. This love between the two of you is clearly not fated to be, a tragic ending is all that awaits you in this life.

Let it all end, let it all come crashing down! The play is coming to an end and oh, the curtain is about to fall! Let them enjoy a dramatic, tragic ending! Blood splattered all over the walls and floors, Luka's beautiful name soaking into the walls… such a grand finale! A brilliant end to a tortured and painful life, you shall go out with a bang! Proclaim your fervent love to the world with every drop of blood in your veins! Make your mark with your gory, bloody death as the lesbian girl who loved Megurine Luka oh so passionately!

You are shaking so hard you can barely walk straight, people are looking at you strangely as if they know you are playing truant right now. Who cares if you leave school early today? It will be your last day as a living being, what can they do to you? Give you detention or demerit points at your grave? Trembling all over, you feel terrible, but you can also feel the chains around you growing looser. That which binds you to this world is gone now, no hope and no strength remains for yet another round of life. Your lifeblood will create a final masterpiece before you leave this world, and artistic creation full of emotion. You will soon be free.

You are crying harder than you have ever cried before. It hurts, you are shaking down to the depths of your soul, your bitterness is spilling forth in an angry black tide that swallows everything. Your mind is whirling with all the darkness you have struggled to contain within you, you knew this time would come. Forcing away so many strong, negative emotions inside a limited space, you knew the pressure would build, and you knew that when it finally erupted the consequences would be disastrous. Still, you forced your feelings in that little glass bottle, knowing that it would soon shatter, ignoring the telltale cracks on its clear surface. You knew the difference between overflow and shatter, you knew that once that bottle shattered you would be permanent, irreversible, and you could never hope to be the same Hatsune Miku if you lived. You knew, but nothing could prepare you for the actual agony, the spilling of all your negative emotions at once, hundreds of typhoons and tsunamis you trapped in the bottom of your heart ravaging your body all at once.

You cannot stop now; you are back in your empty house with your back against the bathroom door, razor blade in hand. You are trembling so violently that it is difficult to get clean cuts, but you manage it somehow. Your blood, a brilliant scarlet, runs into the sink immediately in strong and fast waves from the deep vertical gashes in your wrists. You quickly direct the blood into a plastic bowl you hid in the bathroom for this purpose, watching your blood fill the bowl with fascination. The liquid level rises steadily; you are starting to feel lightheaded.

When the bowl is nearly full, you nudge a stool with your foot to the base of the wall, climb up and start writing as high as you can reach, "Luka Luka Luka Luka Luka" with your own blood. Again and again, you splatter the walls with her name in your blood, concentrating on the task at hand and trying to ignore the light buzzing at the edges of your skull. The blood loss is alarming, you might not be able to stay conscious for much longer. When that realization dawned in your increasingly foggy mind, you begin to work faster, determined to finish your masterpiece.

You move to the next wall now; the blood runs down the previous wall to gather on the floor, but the letters remain clear. As you splatter her name across the cold marble, you murmur it under your breath as well, fervently, desperately, painfully, lovingly. Luka… the girl you love more than anything in the world, the girl who completely destroyed you. You move to the floor now, having coated the walls and door with her beautiful name. You will only rest when the whole bathroom is filled with her name, and your uniform as well. Your masterpiece is nearly completed now; it will not take much longer.

The cloth soaks up the blood well, but it makes the letters spread and become bigger than intended. You are careful, not wanting them to blend together into an unidentifiable red blotch, and you manage to fill your shirt and skirt with Megurine Luka's beautiful, musical name.

"I love you, Luka…"

With your masterpiece completed, satisfied at last, you give in to the dizziness in your head and slump to the only empty spot on the floor, resting your head against the side of the marble sink.

"I love you, Luka…" You murmur tenderly once more, feeling that bubbly warmth further sway your buzzing mind into a numb haze. "I love you so much…"

Your eyelids feel weighted, and your wrists hurt a little. The pain is unable to penetrate the sleepy fog around your mind, however, and it is not long before you drift off into eternal sleep.

**[From here onward, read as if you are Luka]**

There is a terrible, twisting feeling in your gut as you sprint out of school after the bell rang. Dashing toward Miku's house, you pray desperately that nothing has happened to her and that she has not done anything to hurt herself. However, something tells you it is not so, that nothing will ever be alright again.

When you enter the Hatsune household, Miku left the front door unlocked, you check every room and corner for signs of the girl you love, hoping that you are not too late. The house seems empty, the rooms in otherworldly states of perfection, neat and clean, completely clutter-free. It makes the entire house seem plastic, unreal, lacking soul; it is simply a house to the Hatsune family, not a home.

You enter the master bedroom last, not bothered to even kick off your school shoes. Something is welling up inside you, the dread and warning within you screams loudly that you should back off, call the police, whatever, as long as you do not venture any further. Like any typical teenager, you ignore your better judgment and carefully tread over the polished oak flooring to the bathroom door.

The moment your hand rests on the doorknob, something inside you begins to scream and tremble, desperately urging you to _get the Hell outta there._ You ignore it, a cold sweat breaking out over your forehead and your heart thundering uncontrollably in your throat, take a deep but shaky breath and push open the door.

The sight which greeted you is something you can never forget. All over the bathroom walls, the sliding shower door, the marble floor and sink is a single word, "Luka", written in a brilliant scarlet liquid that is most definitely blood. Some of it has run down the walls and doors to pool at the bottom, running along the side of the wall. It resembles the picture Miku drew in art class exactly, except for…

You see it now. Slumped in the corner, messy turquoise hair settled about her shoulders and framing her angelic face is Miku, paler than you have ever seen her before. Her uniform is stained with "Luka" in a reddish-brown resembling the color of drying blood, and on her beautiful arms are deep, vertical gashes that run from her wrists to her elbows. This exactly matches her artwork now…

Trembling like a leaf, you stumble away from the bloody scene, collapsing to your knees. Your eyes are wide with disbelief and your pupils have shrunk with shock and fear, tears roll down your cheeks and splash onto the backs of your shaking hands. You manage to pull out the phone and call an ambulance; you cannot believe that the shaky voice that wavers and pleads to the receptionist is your own. When you have given all the details, you kneel there and sob, numb down to the core.

The police arrive first and take a few photographs, they ask you a few questions and you tell them everything you can manage to say without crying, informing them about the artwork she did in class barely hours before. They thank you and try to comfort you until the paramedics arrive, flanked by a doctor and many nurses. There in that bloody bathroom stained with your name, the doctor pronounced Miku dead. She had lost too much blood too quickly, and her bodily systems shut down as the valuable blood that carried out the deliveries for the body to function was no longer present. There was a lack of oxygen, an excess of carbon dioxide, a lack of nutrients, an excess of toxins and a lot of other things in her body due to the blood loss, and hence Miku died, most likely before you arrived.

To you, their explanations were just words, empty and without meaning, plastic, just like the Hatsune house, just like Miku's smile. You stomached them but your foggy mind could not digest them, the girl you loved was dead, and all because of you. How could you digest all this scientific nonsense? Miku committed _suicide_ because of you, because you had left her alone when she needed you most. She begged you, she pushed aside all her pride and dignity and begged you like a dog, and yet you still ignored her. Only when she was hurt too much to repair did you start caring, and what was the use of that?

Hatsune Miku died today. A beautiful, sweet, cheerful, childish, happy-go-lucky girl who was a blessing to all who knew her disappeared from the world today. Because of your selfishness and cowardice, the girl you loved died today. Hatsune Miku committed suicide, and your life ended today.

It feels like a ten-ton emotional lorry has crashed into you at two hundred and fifty miles per hour. Wrecked, broken, shattered and unable to believe what your own two eyes have seen, you are trapped in a gossamer world that feels like it will fall apart at any moment. You abandoned her, you left her when you could have helped and only returned when it was too late, and she suffered for it. She had such a bright future, she could have contributed to the world uniquely and greatly with all the talent that she had in the arts, and you robbed it all from her.

It all started simply because she fell in love with you, did not want to keep secrets that would tear your friendship apart, and lost that friendship anyway due to fear. If she had not confessed, you could have prolonged her life, but this end would not be avoided. However, if you had not been such a chicken and confessed back, or just stayed by her side as her friend, she would still be alive and well. She would still be the old Hatsune Miku, exceling solely at the arts and making friends with all kinds of people, her long turquoise twintails flowing out behind her as she ran.

You were the only one who could have saved her life; you are the only one to blame for her death. You thought that the regret you had felt earlier was terrible, but you now know this is a billion times worse. You let the girl you love _die_ because of what you did and did not do, and that regret you feel is a soul-searing, mind-numbing, heart-wrenching agony. You could have saved her, you could have had her as yours, but what you chose to do left you with a heart full of regret.

Regret hurts more than anything in the world; it drags you down and makes every single day in your life dull, monochrome, colorless. The news of her death was publicized in the newspapers, as expected, the next day. All of Miku's old friends blame you for her death, the whole world quickly learned of the turquoise haired girl who committed suicide in a bathroom painted scarlet with the name of the girl she loved. Homophobes had not a word to say, for it was a tragic and untimely death and none of them could summon the heart to say their Lord had meant for such a sweet, talented, loving girl to die just because of who she loved. Though the police tried keeping your identity a secret for your own safety, it leaked out anyway with a single photograph of the scene of Miku's death. Her old friends hated you for stealing her away from the world, for no one knew such light and goodness in the world but her.

The days were dark and lonely, you had no friends (not that you cared), and you missed Miku more than anything and anyone in the world. It was painful, you spiraled into an uncontrollable depression that drove you insane, and by the end of the week you heard her voice everywhere you went and could not enter bathrooms without breaking down. Every single time you walked into a bathroom, that tragic and gory scene would flood forth from your memories and take over the present, showing you the girl you loved slumped in a corner of a room splattered with your name in her lifeblood. You were insane, unstable, unhinged, deeply wounded by Miku's suicide. You could not sleep at night; the turquoise haired girl haunted your every dream, calling your name fervently and desperately. You accused yourself of killing her and hated yourself deeply; the regret that decayed your mind grew stronger and stronger each passing day.

Your parents wanted you to move away, they arranged everything to send you to a mixed boarding school in England, far away from Japan and the terrible memories of Miku's passing. It was for you to "move on" so you could "grasp" your "future" and "do great things". Your father said, "It is pointless for her to dwell on the past she cannot change, she should forget everything about that girl and make herself happy." You loathed him for saying that, after all you had done to her, how could you possibly just forget Miku and make yourself happy? How could you possibly be so selfish? How could you ever leave Japan and Miku behind for some fancy English boarding school?

You knew that a new beginning was not what you desired, and like Miku you chose your own ending. The play that was your life had gone on for far too long, and you desired to let the curtain fall over a dramatic and tragic ending, with the scarlet of your blood painting the walls with your final message. You slit your wrists with a razor blade just like she did, collected your blood in a porcelain bowl and decorated your bedroom with all you wanted to say.

"_I love you, Hatsune Miku, and I am so sorry that I was so much of a selfish coward. I killed you, and I will regret that forever. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen and will forever be so._

_I'm sorry, Miku. I'm sorry, Miku. I'm sorry, Miku. I'm sorry, Miku"_ The rest of the walls and floors repeated this heartfelt, agonized apology, and when you looked at your work with a fading smile as the light drained from your eyes, you smiled.

Like Miku, you left the world by drifting off into an eternal slumber, dizzy from blood loss...

After you died, people were guilty about hating you, for they learned that your feelings for Miku were true and that they had been wrong about you all along. That terrible, dark regret split into smaller fragments and passed on to others after your passing, infecting the world with its painful sickness that twisted the mind and heart and tore people to pieces. In your eternal slumber, you did not stir as the storm of regret continued its reign, for you were free and that was all that mattered.

_**THE END**_

**A/N: I hope this ending did not let down any of you and met your expectations. I wrote it while I was an emotional mess, so there may be some parts that are unclear.**

**Please leave me a review telling me how I did!**


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